I just didnt talk to my boyfriend, I wasnt able to say anything, i guess he is really depressed now and i feel so terribly guilty. He heard my voice when i was reading out loud a short paragraph of the book im reading now. But he wanted to talk with me, it would have been the first time that we were talking and not chatting. But i messsed it up. All of it and i just feel like crying and really dont know how what to do and i just feel so damn bad. And i hope he would read this but i know he wouldnt i just love him so damn much and i hate myself for being like this.
I guess you arent interested in what i say, but i just wanted to get this somewhere and not lock it up inside me because if i did that i would just explode one day i guess…..nobody ever listens to what i say i know i almost always talk about such uninteresting things just like now and i guess thats why i hate talking with people im not used to talk with there are only a few friends that i can really enjoy talking to because i know they’d listen.